I have joined rings that reflect a side of me that only those close to me, know; the side that mourns for those lost. The loss of a loved one is something that affects your life forever. It changes you. Sometimes, it makes you open your eyes. Sometimes, a loss even helps you to grow. But, it also leaves a barren space. One which is nearly impossible to fill. A space that cries for recognition. A space that, unless occupied by memories, grows until it swallows you up!
I have lost many friends and family members, and while it is never easy to say good-bye, I have come to realize that no one is gone as long as they live on in your memory.
As I continue to build my pages; dedicated to the missing children of the world; while I attempt to humanize the MIA statistics and recreate my ancestral line, I would like each of you who choose to stop and read my words to remember yet another Friend who has left the living, but lives on in my heart.
This person is very special to me. Though she has gone on, she lives within me, always staying close enough to help me through those tough times that seem to creep from nowhere. She is indeed my guardian angel, for she gave her life so that I could have mine.
I know this will seem strange to many of you, but if you read closely and truly open your minds and heart as you read my words, I'm sure that you will agree.
Joyce and I had been friends since our teenage years. We had drifted apart, running into each other occassionally over the years, but never really keeping in touch. When I divorced my first husband, Joyce came into his life, but only after asking my permission. I tried to explain the reasons for leaving, the years of physical abuse which had finally ceased after he had joined AA; the years of emotional abuse that lingered even through our divorce. It wasn't that I didn't want her to be with him, it was that I needed her to understand what he was capable of.
Joyce knew that he had continued to taunt me, even though we were long since separated. She moved in with him, allowing his emotional abuse to be turned onto herself, finally freeing me from his clutches. We spent a great deal of time together, and even though I could tell how unhappy she was, she would never admit to it.
Whenever I would bring up the subject, she would dismiss it. Without saying a word, she seemed to be telling me that if she left, my freedom would again be gone, for his abuse needed to be focused on someone, and she had unselfishly placed herself in that position.
A new job and new husband busied my life, taking me again, in other directions. The few times I was able to contact Joyce, I became sure that she remained where she was as a protective measure to me. She felt I deserved a better life, and she was making the ultimate sacrifice to assure that I had just that.
In May of 1996, Joyce passed away. She had taken to alcohol to drown her sorrows. The alcohol, in turn, took her. Joyce was 40 years old, far too young to be lost. Unfortunately, it took her death to make me realize the sacrifice she had made for me. She gave me back my life. I had a new husband, a job, and I was no longer tormented by my ex-husband. In fact, he had totally disappeared from my life.
I can't turn back the clock and save Joyce, but I can and have learned from her. It is now my turn to give. I want to give someone else their life back. I want to change unhappiness; turning it to peace. That it why the POWMIA and Missing Children issues are so important to me. While Joyce was being a friend to me, I deserted her. I would like to change that now, and this is the only way I know how.
There is one other thing that I can do. I can remind each and everyone of you who take the time to read these words that true friends are a gift that should never be lost. Value your friends, treat them as if they are a treasure. Treat them with the respect and dignity that they deserve. Take time out of your busy schedule for them. Life is short. Make it better.
Light your candle against any form of Domestic Violence
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The following is not a webring, but rather a society meant to help those who have been victimized on the Internet. While I do not fit into this category, I can understand the fear created by the silent stalker.
I was stalked for twelve weeks. While the time frame seems short, the experience was one of the longest, most terrifying experiences I have ever had. My apartment was entered repeatedly, objects were moved, food was eaten, things rearranged. This was all accomplished without forced entry, which, temporarily, made me question my own sanity.
I was watched, followed, threatened. My family and friends were threatened. I received horrifying telephone messages, night and day. When I stopped answering my telephone, messages were left on the answering machine. I began receiving threatening letters, and the only fingerprints were those of postal workers or my own.
I was forced from my place of employment because of this unknown harrasser. I began to question everyone I knew. I trusted no one, not even myself. I even stopped carrying a pistol, in fear that I would shoot an innocent person.
When an arrest was finally made, the explaination was "because he loved me." To force a person to live in fear, to threaten them and their loved ones with physical harm, to make them question their own sanity, and to force them to suffer adverse reactions to little things like being alone, or the ringing of a telephone years after the fact, is no way to show someone you love them.
I am still bitter for what I was put through. I still have nightmares, although they are becomming less frequent. I still jump to my feet when a telephone rings in the night. But, I have survived. For this reason, I was allowed to join this organization.
And Now They Have Become A Very Worthy WebRing! Please follow this ring, visit the members, and please, if you can add to this; join us: